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.The Girl Who Wants To Rock The World.
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该长大了
Monday, December 30, 2013 | 7:26 PM | 0 kiss me
明天就是2014了，也许对很多人来说，2014象征新的一年，新的希望，可是2014对我来说，也只是新的一天，只是数字不同罢了。可能2014对我来说是个新的挑战，肩膀刚扛起的一个新负担。 只因为在2014里，所有的1997同学都要考SPM。 SPM这个字真的让我感到好沉重。过去的几年来里，我给了很多人承诺，但我并没有做到，所以，我不想2014也一样，只是把自己讲到那么厉害，讲到那么好听，但并没有实际行动。 玩了也该停了，毕竟我真的在成长，现在有很多东西真的不是我想做就能了，有太多太多的事情，太多太多的顾虑。 对不起，我本来就是个自私的人，有时我会为自己着想而忽略了别人的感受，但同时我也希望别人好。可能我看到的和你看到的不同，所以你要纠正我，毕竟我还在学着。 发生了那么多事，我才发现，不靠自己坚强真的没有人会帮我了。所以，我真的很珍惜对我好的人，谢谢你们。 不知道我现在想要未来实现的东西能不能够实现，但我真的好希望自己能挣气一点，我不想再让他失望，想靠自己的努力去得到我想要的东西。说真的，靠妈妈得到的东西真的让我感到很无助，很无助，多希望自己能够变得很有用。 对不起， 我真的很没有用。 但我现在真的真心的希望自己能够改变。 我说过，我现在还在学着很多东西，所以难免会犯些错误。但是，请你在我每一次犯错的时候给我多一次机会，我会努力地去改变。 谢谢你。 不要相信我，不要对我抱着太大的希望，我怕会让你失望。 但也不要放弃我。 Change - Giving myself a new chance
Friday, October 4, 2013 | 6:46 AM | 0 kiss me
Hello there, peeps! =DIt's really been awhile since i stepped into this blog of mine. Urm well, i am so sorry for the immature posts i posted a few months ago. Well, sometimes when you are angry or feeling down, you just need something to express how you feel right? But somehow, i took it the immature way. Now, truth to be told, i'd say that this year has been really tough on me, especially my academic. Why?? I can't tell also. Since the starting of this year, things have just been weird. I've become a beast. Bad-tempered, selfish and having no idea what i am doing all the time. I've never had enough sleep for school. In the class, i loathe everything. During biology and history lesson especially, i have never bothered to concentrate to what the teacher is teaching and most of the time i am either busy talking myself away - the teacher has to call me and shut me up all the time and i really have an issue keeping quiet, or sleeping whenever i feel tired. i hate to admit this, but i have come to become a student who disrespect the teachers who simply throw their tantrum around when they are in a bad mood or teachers who ignore me when i ask them questions. And as a result as you can see, i did very badly in my exam. You see, not listening in the class is bad enough, but at home, i've never bothered to study too. i've become very very very lazy... i have been telling myself: 'Okay, april. that's enough, you've gotta start studying,' but it never happened. i am busy with the social network, Facebook and i cannot seem to leave it alone, thinking that the problems my friends will have if they cannot look for me. So, i spend most of my time practically doing nothing. i feel very guilty though... i even resorted to doing something really bad just so i would not get very bad results. i just can't bear being scolded and the pressure. it doesn't feel good that instead of being understanding, she scolds me like i am really useless... It's SPM next year and I really don't want to let what happened this year happens next year. I've no idea why i have to do well in academics and even though many people have told me that doing well in academics ensures you a bright future, i just cannot relate myself to it. however, it does definitely feel good to be looked up to for doing well in your studies, and i actually do believe with good results and socializing skills, you can survive in the society :) so you've gotta change and give yourself at least a chance, is that okay, dear you? Trust me, it feels really bad seeing yourself going down because you keep giving yourself excuses to not do something you should be doing. Believe in God too. I don't know where my future will lead me, even though i do have dreams which i have to struggle hard to make them come true, but i should make spm counts right? if not i'll really put myself into trouble in the future. And i am really thankful for teachers like Pn. Chong =D even though i don't do well in my add maths(it's not her problem okay!), but i truly appreciate her effort to do her best in teaching us. She's the kind of teacher who you can joke around with, sometimes i do it up to the point that i kind of hurt her though, but she never really takes it seriously. i am sorry okay! Should have but i didn't do it. Sigh. But I have to move on and at least make the present counts. I came across to a meaningful phrase on the internet one day which goes like: don't worry about your future. just do what you have to do for now. worrying about your future will only slow you down and eventually you may not complete what has to be done. Hmm, i am thankful for the seniors and peers who give out useful and have truly inspired me! they may not know though but deep down, i am really thankful to them. i will keep them as my role models :) Thank God for a second chance too. Thank Him for opening my eyes once again. Thank you, lord. oh ya, check out my bass teacher's band on www.youtube.com/user/akoustikconnexion. they are a band who plays mostly jazz for weddings and stuffs :) i hope you enjoy their music! ;) i wanna end this post with something i wanna say: "What you see is not what it actually is" Breakdown
Thursday, May 16, 2013 | 3:04 AM | 0 kiss me
I may seem quiet when I am supposed to speak. That isn't because I don't care, i have a lot to say but i don't want to say because no one will understand and i want it to be a secret.I don't see the point of going on anymore. I've lost the love, the protection that I will probably never get anymore. I need love. The kind of love that someone sees my effort even though I can't be the best, the kind of love that someone still forgives me no matter how terrible I am, not just by scolding to correct me. I need protection. No matter how tough things are, someone will always be there to see through my problems and tell me not to worry, not just being insensitive to me. Sometimes when someone is asking for too much, it is not because they have changed for worse. It is the emptiness inside her. No one is there to tell them that they love them and show that they will always be there for them. So, they ask for things they want to fill up the emptiness, but that is never enough for them. Eventually, they will ask for more and more and it will never end. Sometimes all they need is someone telling them they have done their best and to keep trying, someone who will cheer them up even though they are trying to hide their sadness. I've really lost hope. I've tried, but my effort is useless. I am tired... Monday, January 21, 2013 | 7:51 AM | 0 kiss me
I guess this is the first time that i have felt so lonely, so lonely. i have no one to talk to about my problems, so i can only keep it within myself...when people who are supposed to give you support don't give you any support in what you want to do... when people look down on your dream... when people do not even want to stop and see how far you have progressed... when people don't appreciate your effort... and you are the only person who appreciates yourself... most people worry that they do not have a dream. i do have one. but nobody thinks that i can make it. they just give me this go-ahead-and-continue-your-day-dream look. no, is what i get. you can't, is what i heard. deep inside i tell myself they can just look down on me any way they want, but i will prove them wrong, that i have to work harder and struggle... still sometimes i feel so hurt because no one ever really supports me. what hurts the most is they do not understand me, that they are not even making an effort to understand. i don't know how i am supposed to feel but that dream is what keeping me alive and i will stay strong and make my dream a reality. I WILL PROVE YOU WRONG! just wait and see... if you really love me, just let me go and let me fly on my own... Bye bye 2012! Hello 2013! ^^
Saturday, December 29, 2012 | 11:46 PM | 0 kiss me
Guys, I'm sorry that i haven't been blogging for awhile... hehe. it's not a good sign to see me blogging, is it? because when i blog, the stuffs that i write will be pretty negative and dark, very bad, isn't it? :P (dang, i'm at a loss of words because i haven't been reading for awhile -.-)Before 2013 comes, i'd like to conclude that 2012 is an awesome year even though unpleasant and sad things happened. form 3 didn't seem to be that bad at all and i'm actually glad that i have a bunch of crazy friends in my school who make school a nice place to go XD in the holidays, i have realized and become more certain of what i want. i want to turn it into reality so i will work a lot a lot a lot a lot harder ^^ exactly two weeks ago, i went to this concert of Sungha Jung and i enjoyed it ^^ the fact that i was no longer watching his video because i was watching him live and the very good sound quality of his guitar made everything perfect :) it's really different to play him playing before you compared to watching him playing in video o.o you get this shiver, you know XD he's very good and definitely an inspiration for any of us :) remember to check out him on youtube ^^ now i am worried about next year though. i am worried that i won't have time to have leisure because i see a busy two years ahead of me -.- like i really will be very very busy -_- maybe i should wake up early everyday in the morning to play guitar like Sungha Jung did when he was still attending school to start my day everyday ^^ there isn't much plan for next year though, i am just hoping that i will be able to practise playing guitar for at least 1 to 2 hours a day. for next year, i swear i will myself 1) Guitar multiple effect - Boss Me-25 or any boss product 2) a bass!!! <<< woooooow 3) an ukulele <<< i am sure that i will be getting this because it's not as expensive as those guitars, basses, keyboards or anything -_- lastly, i hope that 2013 will turn out to be another great year... hehehe! bye bye! ^^ Thursday, November 15, 2012 | 8:40 PM | 0 kiss me
haven't been listening to such nice music for awhile Denial.
Wednesday, November 14, 2012 | 8:54 AM | 0 kiss me
Losing someone who you love the most is the toughest.It's been months since he has gone but I still have not got over it. Deep inside me I know he will not come back - no matter what I do, even miracles cannot bring him back, bring him back here. Still I refuse to accept people's love for me, for I think they will not last and are mostly fake. Who can be blamed for that? It is true about the lyrics of one of Katy perry's songs which is 'comparisons are easily made once you had the taste of perfection'. I know I will not get over it that soon, sometimes I do not even think I will get over it. My life is pretty meaningless now. I do not know what to do with my life without him here. And I do not accept help anymore, probably because my head keeps refusing to believe what they say, even though they are trying to help me. I feel lost and I cannot seem to find a way out... |
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